Oh, how times have changed.

So last week, I celebrated my 30th birthday, and legit have scars to prove it (pain in the name of fashion is all g in my opinion). You may have seen a while back, I confessed my inner cringe factor in regard to sex toys. Look. It’s just how we were raised – anything to do with being sexually liberated or confident, or even being seen as a woman to enjoy sex was – scandalous. So I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror, and decided to do some self-service research. Now, I’m all about lengthening (stop it) my bedside table legs for maximum ease-of-reach to access said toys in the boudoir. Bypass the candle – sorry Phil – straight to the top drawer. 


You should be too. Here’s why!

  1. Iconic Women Are Owning It

Just look at social media celebs like Abbie Chatfield from the Bachelor, (who has her very own Vush Vibrator and a very catchy and pithy ‘ad’ on her socials), Rosie Rees, Owner and creator of the Yoni Pleasure Palace and iconic sensual eating (will never look the same at my breakfast porridge again), and Lily Allen with her Womanizer collab. Or, the Iconic moment when Hermione *oops* Emma Watson was talking about the website for science-based pleasure techniques. Research! Science! On little old us, women! Gone are the days of Cleo Magazine’s ‘10 ways to blow his mind in the bedroom’ and come forth and prosper, how to blow your own world/mind/body. Bout time!


2. Because…Science! (and also smash the Patriarchy)

Sexual health is a MUCH needed topic in this day and age and I am all for being able to own your sexuality regardless of gender, and the focus to deliver all kinds of sensations – no longer just ‘for his pleasure’ – with a plethora of vibrators, air-pulse devices, glass/crystal/silicon/waterproof dildo’s and tiny little eggs or finger vibes. Did you know that in the olden days – women who experienced ‘unfavorable’ emotions such as PMS or heightened stress were said to be suffering from ‘hysteria’ and were sent to the doctor for an orgasm. Legit. Look it up here. The poor doctors performing the ‘pelvic massage’ would be dead tired after a day of delivering the big O…enter stage left, the vibrator. Aside from the patriarchal nonsense, ya girl just sometimes needs a good old-fashioned release. You feel me?


3. Equality is important. Let’s keep up with the penis’s!

We must protect our vagina rights at all costs. They are here to stay! Just as period undies are claiming their place in the worldwide market, and advertisers are finally cottoning on that half the world has periods – so too they are realising that those same vagina-owners are ALSO seeking PLEASURE! Gone are the days of slut-shaming and vilifying sex workers. Sex sells – why not get involved? Treat yo-self!


4. We all don’t have a Phil…

This one speaks for itself. We don’t all have 8 inches of handsome to satiate our needs, and sometimes a girl just NEEDS it when there’s nobody home. Or he’s away. Or you’re doing FIFO. Or it’s Tuesday. Or it’s raining. Or you’re PMS’ing. YOLO.

5. Lastly – because you will find yourself (and your G-spot)

Let’s be real. If you’re like me, your body has changed, your tastes have changed – you need some spice to keep ya bad girl satiated (hello Jemima my sexual alter ego who is a FREAK in the (mind) sheets and likes to keep ‘em guessing (Phil) in the bedroom. Go forth, and explore! After all – YOLO. You are probably a mum, you need a minute. You NEED a minute. Alone (apparently the Satisfier can ‘perform’ and conclude in all of 9 glorious seconds…set your timers! Lesssssgo!).


You’re welcome. Also, don’t forget to add batteries to your shopping list. 


Love, your local friendly orgasm fairy, Jessiika.