There are so many different opinions thrown about when it comes to What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Many of them are either dipped in sugar and spoken about like pregnancy is pure bliss and the easiest thing you’ll ever do and many of them are the complete opposite and are painted in such a horrible picture that it makes you want to glue your legs together, wrap them in duct tape, tie them up with chains, pad lock them, then dip them in concrete never to be opened again.
There are so many things people share with you about pregnancy in the hope that it will help you along your newest adventure but there are also a lot of things people DON’T tell you about pregnancy. And its usually the important stuff that matters but nobody likes to talk about because god forbid we don’t all glow and walk around like unicorns while putting on 20kg for 9 months.
So now I’m going to share with you some of the things I experienced and somethings I didn’t but wished someone had told me about so I could be a little bit more prepared, enjoy!

Getting Pregnant
Now before being pregnant, you have to GET pregnant. When my husband and I finally decided to try for a baby we certainly didn’t know when to expect to fall pregnant or how long it would take. I think I won my husband over by telling him, “It won’t happen overnight, it’ll probably take at least 6 months”. I tracked my ovulation week and circled it in the calendar, when that week came along we frolicked like we were teenagers again (someone bring me an ice pack) In my head I kept telling myself it was probably just a practise week, I wasn’t even sure if I correctly worked out my ovulation times because my period was so irregular. 2 weeks later and the day my period was due I took a test; it was a big fat POSITIVE. We had literally made a baby on the first go, we were the lucky ones.
I have friends who have been very open about their baby journeys, there are so many mamas on Instagram who openly talk about their conception struggles, some expressing it took 1.5 years to 4 years to finally conceive their babies. Getting pregnant can be really easy for some and really difficult for others so it’s vital that when deciding to have a baby that you remember there are just some things you can’t control and that patience is a virtue. Just know that it will happen when it’s supposed to, god has a plan and your baby is waiting for you.
Your Feelings for your Baby Daddy Change
This might not happen to everyone but it was definitely something I experienced and after talking to friends about it realised it might be more common than we thought.
After I became Pregnant with Levi & Bowie the love I had for Phil quadrupled, nothing brought me more joy then knowing he was going to be the father of my children, I just couldn’t love him anymore than I did, he was my everything. Until I reached week 7. Something changed, there was this angst inside of me. Just the sight of Phil drove me into a fit of rage, I could not stand him, when he looked at me, spoke to me, god forbid he even try and touch me, fuck right off. I literally hated him. It was like every bit of love I had for him had gone towards this baby and there wasn’t enough room in my heart for the two of them (This is how I knew I was pregnant with Bowie). This went on for about 5 weeks, once I hit week 13 the sickness had stopped, I was in my second trimester and everything suddenly felt calm. For the first time in a long time I couldn’t wait for him to come home, and when he did… I ambushed him in the shower *insert massive seedy wink face*.
Maybe it was the raging hormones, maybe it was the nausea but all I know is it didn’t last and It certainly isn’t how I feel now. So if the time comes in your pregnancy and all of a sudden you feel like smashing your baby daddy over the face with a chair, don’t worry; it’s totally normal and you should probably just lock him in the cupboard for his safety until it passes.

The Big C
And No I’m not talking about Christmas, I’m talking about Constipation. Before pregnancy I could happily say I had never had an encounter with constipation before, I didn’t know much about it; just that it wasn’t very pleasant. One night when I was around 6 or 7 months pregnant Phil took me out to dinner and a movie. The night was going great and everything seemed normal. We got home around 10pm and I suddenly felt the need to go to the toilet. So off I went, It wasn’t long before I realised something didn’t feel right. I don’t want to gross you out with too much detail but basically before I knew It I had the header of a giant poo out of my bum that was 5x the size of my butthole.
I could feel with my hands around my bottom how big it was and just knew that there was no way it was going to fit. I cried and I pushed and I cried some more and pushed some more and it honestly was the worst experience of my life. I kept feeling my vagina making sure I wasn’t accidently pushing out a baby because that is how hard I was trying and how much pressure was currently being forced in to my down region. Phil had knocked on the door a few times, I told him I was “stuck” and I didn’t know what to do but I wanted him to leave me alone. After an hour I finally managed to become “unstuck” I had never been more relieved in my life, I cried tears of joy that it was over. After I cleaned myself up I went to stand up when I realised I couldn’t close my legs because it felt like something was between them. I couldn’t see because of my gigantic stomach so reached down for a feel. My Vagina was the size of a bloody football, I had put so much pressure on it that it had swollen 5x its size! We made an emergency trip to the hospital where we were told to Ice it and eat more fibre and drink Metamucil so that it doesn’t happen again. I couldn’t sit down properly for 2 days. The same thing happened with Bowie but because I had been through it before I was more mentally prepared and was able to breathe and push through it without causing any damage and I iced it straight away so by the morning it was fine. So hopefully after reading this, if you find yourself stuck on the toilet one night you’ll remember not to panic, breathe and take your time and have your husband get an ice pack on standby!
Body niggles
There are a few body niggles that you’ll experience during your pregnancy. Your breasts will double in size and that’s before any milk hits them. Bonds crop tops will be your best friend, avoid underwire bra’s because it can affect how your milk comes in but also they’re uncomfortable AF. Your Cervix is constantly expanding and there will be times where this is uncomfortable and can hurt. Don’t panic every time you get a pain or a pull but be sure to contact your doctor if it becomes unbearable or you show signs of blood loss. I use to find sometimes I’d become really short of breath even just from trying to sing a nursery rhyme to Levi, your baby is literally squishing everything inside of you, including your lungs so be aware of that! Sleeping can become totally uncomfortable by the end of your pregnancy BUT I found sliding   a pillow between my knees and thigh’s made it feel like I wasn’t pregnant at all and sleeping was BLISS. Another thing I experiences was really bad hip pain, sometimes I would go to stand and would have to limp for ages to walk off the pain. After a visit to the chiropractor he told me my hips were out and it’s normal in pregnancy, I got it really bad with Bowie but once they were born and my cervix went back to regular size it never came back. Pigmentation/Pregnancy Mask is another bitch to look for. I have terrible pigmentation on my face, again due to all the hormones flooding my body. Most people will tell you it goes away post birth but I’ve had no luck yet!

Sex Drive
After the morning sickness leaves and you finally start to feel human again there is something else you start to feel, horny. HORNY HORNY HORNY. You have a bazillion hormones floating around in your body, things are growing, things are sensitive. Your husband might become overwhelmed by all the extra activity and if he does just remind him of how he probably felt going through puberty; it’s pretty much the same feeling. And on the plus side you can take light in the fact that you can do it anywhere any time and not have to worry about getting pregnant again! But it’s not always like this and soon enough your body does a full circle where you’re pretty much too tired to fart let alone have sex with your husband, growing a human is hard WORK. But don’t be surprised if you aren’t the only one whose sex drive is affected by your pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Levi the amount of times Phil would turn me down was in the double digits. Eventually I had to ask him what was going on. Was it me, did he not find me attractive anymore? I managed to get it out of him that he was just super worried about hurting the baby and couldn’t comprehend how having sex “in the vagina” was safe for the baby who also lives “in the vagina”. After a quick mini lesson in where the baby actually is and how to safely have sex while pregnant it wasn’t long before we were back in the saddle, it can become a bit awkward towards the end but you find a way! Each pregnancy is different though, with Bowie he was convinced that sex was safe and in fact every time the midwife mentioned it was good for you and encouraged us to do it his face lit up. You should have seen the eye brow raise he gave me when I was 2 weeks overdue and meant to be getting induced when the midwife said go home tonight, have sex and come back tomorrow I bet you’ll be in labour… Obviously I went home and SLEPT because I knew I was getting induced the next day and my kids like to be born in the early hours of the morning POST midnight. And just a side note to any men who might be reading this and are thinking of taking advantage of the kick start labour sex situation, it’s the sperm that helps but mostly the ORGASM of the WOMAN that does the job. The orgasm releases oxytocin which can bring on contractions and get labour going, so don’t be selfish and don’t forget to get your wife off.
Panty situation
It’s part of being a woman, It’s part of pregnancy, it’s normal, it’s inevitable.
And I wish I’d known this when I was pregnant with Levi, the amount of times I use to google “Is this normal” was ridiculous. Discharge, it’s there when you aren’t pregnant and EXTRA there when you are. I use to take spare underwear with me where ever we went it was that bad sometimes. Every time I sat down it felt like I was sitting in a puddle, by the end of my pregnancy I just had a permanent panty liner on which was so much more comfortable then walking around in wet knickers.  Thrush is another common thing that happened to me during pregnancy, you know your hormones are so up and down and it’s so easy for you PH levels to become out of balance. Stick to using an intimate body wash and have some thrush cream on hand so as soon as you think you feel it coming on you can layer up and fuck that bitch right off. You are also more than likely going to pee yourself at least once during pregnancy and if you are one of the lucky ones that don’t then don’t worry, you’ll get another chance at it in the first week post birth. Again, it’s normal, nearly everyone does it, embrace it.
It doesn’t always happen like the movies, in fact it rarely does. I was 2 weeks overdue with BOTH of my children. Levi’s Labour was 14 hours, I had an epidural after 5 so it was calm and peaceful and my husband and I made jokes and ate food and watched TV and it was really relaxed until the pushing part. Bowie’s labour was 1.5 hours, no time for jokes, no time for an epidural, I didn’t get a first hold, I was naked, It was a little more chaotic, but I survived and that’s the main thing.
C sections can be a daunting thing leading up to labour and although I’ve never had one I have spoken with friends who have and asked questions about the process and from what I gathered, it’s not as bad as everyone portrays. It’s not easy, but it’s not the worst thing in the world. So if it’s something that might be in your sights or has been suggested to you by a professional, don’t stress, the goal is to bring home a happy healthy baby, Vaginal Birth or C section, you’re still their mother and they still love you.
Gestational Diabetes
Not something I experienced but I did ask a few mamas some questions about it so I could share it in this post and from what I’ve gathered… It’s not the end of the world. AS LONG AS YOU LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. Eat better and exercise. The chances of it affecting your baby or developing into type 2 later on in life is very low. But it’s something that can happen so just be mentally prepared leading up to your glucose test. What’s a glucose test you ask? If this is your first pregnancy you probably don’t know so I’ll tell you, It’s this VILE bottle of poison the hospital makes you drink to punish you for having unprotected sex and getting knocked up. Just KIDDING, it is a drink though!
Basically it’s a test that requires you to drink a bottle of fluids high in glucose (sugar) to test how your body uses it and is the first step in detecting gestational diabetes. Everyone has to do it and its gross but you get through it! (some people do vomit though, don’t recommend because they make you do it again).
Pregnancy Feelings
I love being pregnant, I love my bump, I love the kicks, I love imaging what they’re going to look and be like, I love rubbing my belly, Maternity wear, the looks that people give you when waddling through the shopping centre, I love it all.  I’m lucky.
Not everyone feels this way about pregnancy, some people have chronic morning sickness the whole way through, some people spend half their pregnancy trying to prevent labour coming on, some people have back pain, some people aren’t emotionally connected, some people just hate being pregnant. AND THAT’S OKAY. Think of it like cleaning your house, You LOVE a clean house, a clean house brings you life, it makes you happy because you know the hard work is done and you can sit down for a minute. That’s what it’s like when your babies born. But before your house is clean you have to clean it, and it’s hard, your back hurts, everything stinks, you don’t know where to put random shit so you’re angry and frustrated and sick of cleaning up after everyone else, It’s hot, you’re miserable and you just want it to be done and over. That’s what pregnancies like, for some.
it’s okay to not enjoy pregnancy and it doesn’t make you horrible, you’re only human.
The Joy
There is an indescribable aura that comes with pregnancy.
It is magical and thrilling and there is nothing else in life quite like it.
You, just you; are purely responsible for growing a person, creating a life and then bringing it into the world. Making a decision to have a child is momentous. Because it will change you, test you and empower you for all that you’re worth. Pregnancy will bring you fear, worry, tiredness, excitement, questions, answers and challenges to prepare you along the way. But most of all, through the hard days and the long days It will fuel you. It will fuel you with a fire so big it ignites your heart and soul. A fire so big it keeps you warm for 10 months, that’s why pregnant woman always complain that It’s hot. But it will also, after everything, bring you joy.

“It is the most powerful creation to have life growing inside of you, there is no bigger gift” – Beyoncé Knowles